Modern Day Renaissance Masterpiece

http://twistedsifter.com/2016/01/nye-photo-from-manchester-is-modern-day-renaissance-masterpiece/

Unbelievably idiotic!!!‏

Anything for a golf ball.

A Silly Old Bugger -Unbelievably idiotic!!!

Some old guys will do anything for a golf ball.

 

Deer Crossing

Why there are Fewer Men Than Women

The standard warning – do not try this at home,

these are professionals and they know what they are doing!

It does give me some new ideas on how to get things done….

especially the last one, any volunteers?

Why there are Fewer Men Than Women001 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women002 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women003 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women004 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women005 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women006 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women007 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women008 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women009 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women010 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women011 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women012 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women013 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women014 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women015 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women016 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women017 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women018 Why there are Fewer Men Than Women019,

AND THE WINNER IS………………..

Why there are Fewer Men Than Women020

They Walk Among US!

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a
sign on it saying: ‘Free to good home. You want it, you take it.’ For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: ‘Fridge for sale $50.’ The next day someone stole it!
 They walk amongst us! and vote
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*One day I was walking down the beach with
Some friends when someone shouted…..’Look at that dead bird!’ Someone looked up at the sky and said…’where?’
 They walk among us! And vote
———————————————————-
 While looking at a house, my brother asked the
Real Estate agent which direction was north because he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, ‘Does the sun rise in the north?’ My brother explained that the sun rises in the east And has for some time. She shook her head and said, ‘Oh, I don’t keep up with all that stuff……’
 They Walk Among Us!
——————————————– 
 Traffic Camera
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding… Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result.. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail’s pace… Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..
You just can’t fix stupid.

————————————- 
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said she ‘didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving’.
They Walk Among Us!
———————————— 
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.
They Walk Among Us! 
————————————————-
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. ‘Now,’ she asked me, ‘Has your plane arrived yet?’…

                  They Walk Among Us!
————————————————

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said ‘Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
They Walk Among Us! 
————————————- 
Dumb as a box of Rocks
 TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind telling me, Doctor,’ she asked, ‘how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?’
‘Nothing is easier,’ he replied. ‘You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..’
‘What sort of question?’ asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask , ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?”
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, ‘You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.’
Sadly, they walk among us!

 

Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle ?‏

Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle001 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle002 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle003 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle004 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle005 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle006 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle007 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle008 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle009 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle010 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle011 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle012 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle013 Are You Getting Maximum Use from your Vehicle014

WELL… I THOUGHT I WAS, TILL NOW!!!

John Cleese on Stupidity

Read it once a year & feel smart

(I have not verified the accuracy of these quotes.  – Ed)
After reading these quotes, I feel like a genius.


Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: ‘I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,’
Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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‘Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.’
–Mariah Carey

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‘Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,’
Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
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‘I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,’
Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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‘Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,’
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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‘That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,’
–A congressional candidate in Texas
.
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‘Half this game is ninety percent mental.’
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
  
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‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’
–Al Gore, Vice President

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‘I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.’
Dan Quayle
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‘We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?’
–Lee Iacocca

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‘The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.’
  

–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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‘We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.’
Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
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‘Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.’
–Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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‘Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.’
–Keppel Enderbery

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‘If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.’
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?
   
Send it on to your brilliant friends.

I just did !!

Read this and never feel stupid again

SMILE!!

SMILE!!001

HOW TO HANDLE A PROBLEM NEIGHBOR 


SMILE!!003

The Ass Family!

SMILE!!004

Boy Genius!  


SMILE!!005

Good Reason to Wear Pajamas to Bed!!! 


SMILE!!006

Tattoo Of The Year 


SMILE!!007

Latest Grill Accessories 
These are a must have!


SMILE!!008


SMILE!!009

It doesn’t matter how many people you send this to, just remember if it made you smile, your friends will probably smile too!

Grand Canyon Photographer‏

Take a deep breath and look at this one. He is I think a candidate for the Darwin Awards Grand Canyon Photographer

This is a case of a photographer photographing another photographer. The following pictures were taken by Hans van de Vorst from the Netherlands at the Grand Canyon, Arizona. The descriptions are his own. The identity of the photographer in the photos is unknown.

Grand Canyon Photographer‏4

I was simply stunned seeing this guy standing on this solitary rock in the Grand Canyon.

The canyon’s depth is 900 meters here. The rock on the right is next to the canyon and safe.

Watching this guy on his thong sandals, with a camera and a tripod I asked myself 3 questions:

1. How did he climb that rock?

2. Why not take that sunset picture from that rock to the right, which is perfectly safe?

3. How will he get back?

After the sun set behind the canyon’s horizon he packed his things (having only one hand available) and prepared himself for the jump. This took about 2 minutes.  At that point he had the full attention of the crowd.

Grand Canyon Photographer‏1

This is the point of no return.
After that, he jumped on his thong sandals…
The canyon’s depth is 900 meters (3,000 feet) here.

Grand Canyon Photographer‏2
Now you can see that the adjacent rock is higher so he tried to land lower, which is quite steep and tried to use his one hand to grab the rock.

Grand Canyon Photographer‏3

We’ve come to the end of this story. Look carefully at the photographer.
He has a camera, a tripod and also a plastic bag, all on his shoulder or in his left hand. Only his right hand is available to grab the rock and the weight of his stuff is a problem.
He lands low on his flip flops, both his right hand and right foot slip away…

At that moment I take this shot. He pushes his body against the rock. He waits for a few seconds, throws his stuff on the rock, climbs and walks away. Presumably to a bathroom to change his shorts.