All posts tagged Sport
Posted by John Mills on May 29, 2016
over 25 cents.’
Dumbfounded, her date asked, ‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game,
all they kept screaming was: ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’
Posted by John Mills on September 3, 2014
I guess I should have practiced harder when I was in Little League.
Here are a few examples of championship rings from baseball, football, and hockey!
Posted by John Mills on May 18, 2014
There are only nine questions. This is a quiz for people who know a lot!
I found out in a hurry that I didn’t. These are not trick questions.
They are straight questions with straight answers.
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘ dw’ and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S.’
Answers To Quiz:
1 The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.
2 North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls .. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.
3 Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.
4 The fruit with its seeds on the outside:Strawberry.
5 How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.
6 Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle…
7 Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
8 The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.
9 Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with ‘S’:Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
PLEASE DO YOUR PART; Today is National Mental Health Day.
You can do your part by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one genius challenged person.Okay, my job’s done!
Don’t send it back to me. I’ve already failed it once
Posted by John Mills on April 22, 2014
- Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
- Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
- Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
- A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
- The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
- Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
- A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
- I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
- Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
- Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
- Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
- We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
- Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
- If it weren’t for hockey, many kids wouldn’t know what a millionaire looked like.
- You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag.
- I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
- What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
- The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
- I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
- His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
- Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
- My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
- There’s so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
- I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
- My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor .
- My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
- Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
- I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
- The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
- You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Posted by John Mills on November 23, 2013
Miss America 1924
Helen Keller Meeting Charlie Chaplin
Leather gloves worn by Lincoln to Ford’s Theater on the night of his assassination.
When she outshot famed exhibition marksman Frank Butler,
Very Young Lucy Lucille Ball around 1930
This is one of five known X-rays of Hitler’s head,
The records also include doctor’s reports,
Two Victorian sideshow performers boxing – the fat man and the thin man.
Amy Johnson, English aviator 1903-1941.
Her dangerous flight took 17 days.
Female photojournalist Jessie Tarbox on the street with her camera, 1900s.
Roald Amundsen was the first person to reach the South Pole.
and fled London after being branded a German spy
King Edward VII of the United Kingdom,
the Duke of Westminster and writer Gabriele D’Annunzio.
Two men fought a duel over her.
After three years of a stormy courtship
Billie Holiday at two years old, in 1917
Washington, D.C., circa 1919. “Walter Reed Hospital flu ward.”
documenting the influenza contagion of 1918-1919,
Most victims succumbed to bacterial pneumonia following influenza virus infection.
Filming the MGM Logo
Mae Questel ca. 1930’s.
Little Lulu, Little Audrey and Casper, the Friendly Ghost
Bea Arthur (nee Bernice Frankel) (1922-2009) SSgt. USMC 1943-45 WW II.
Then air stations in VA and NC.
In 1911, Bobby Leach survived a plunge over Niagara Falls in a steel barrel.
Fourteen years later, in New Zealand, he slipped on an orange peel and died.
Emily Todd was Mary Todd Lincoln’s half-sister.
After Helm’s death in 1863
This caused great consternation in the Northern newspapers.
Three days before his 19th birthday,
Market Street, San Francisco after the earthquake, 1906.
All-American Girls Baseball, 1940s
c. 1943 : Breast Protectors for War Workers
Mary Ellen Wilson (1864-1956) or sometimes Mary Ellen McCormack
in 1805-1806 with her husband Toussaint Charbonneau.
She traveled thousands of miles from the Dakotas the Pacific Ocean.
and proved to be invaluable.
Zelda Boden, circus performer, ca. 1910.
A Confederate and Union soldier shake hands during a celebration at Gettysburg in 1913.
Image from the Library of Congress.
Geraldine Doyle, who was the inspiration behind the famous Rosie the Riveter poster.
Vintage Baked Potato Cart. A legitimate fast food lunch option back in the day.
Black physicians treating in the ER a member of the Ku Kux Klan
Cyclists ride in the first running of the Tour de France, in 1903.
Sergeant Stubby (1916 or 1917 – April 4, 1926),
and the only dog to be promoted to sergeant through combat.
by the seat of his pants (holding him there til American Soldiers found him).
they’d climb to a certain height, coast down to German positions,
& get the hell out of dodge.
Marilyn Monroe meets Queen Elizabeth II, London, 1956 Both women are 30 years old.
Chief Petty Officer Graham Jackson plays “Going Home”
where the President was scheduled to attend a barbecue on the day he died. April, 1945.
Posted by John Mills on October 20, 2013
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra .
PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory– I hope there’s no pop quiz.
The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.
The old man didn’t like his beard at first. Then it grew on him.
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro – what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
Posted by John Mills on September 3, 2013
Posted by John Mills on August 18, 2013
Posted by John Mills on August 8, 2013