All posts tagged Religion
Posted by John Mills on April 12, 2016
Posted by John Mills on March 5, 2015
You don’t have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!!
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency
open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard
loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to
pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?”
asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters!
Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
Posted by John Mills on February 3, 2015
Posted by John Mills on January 31, 2015
The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday…I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle. “You’re bullshitting me, right? You don’t even know the way to the Post Office!”
Posted by John Mills on October 10, 2014
Posted by John Mills on July 27, 2014
If you don’t read till the end you have missed the best part.
Adam and Eve said, ‘Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us
every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is
difficult for us to remember how much you love us.’
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.’
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal and God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his
And Adam said, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and
I cannot think of a name for this new animal.’
And God said, ‘I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love
for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.’
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.’
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them.
And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased..
And Dog was happy
didn’t give a shit one way or the other.
Posted by John Mills on June 23, 2014
Posted by John Mills on May 3, 2014
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very
interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down
his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually
the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside
of one of their biggest buildings.
Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job.
So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks,
and buying the paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with
Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly
completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder,
the sky opened and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint
from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to
land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles
of the thinned and useless paint.
Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got down on his knees and cried:
“Oh God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?”
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.
“Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!”
Posted by John Mills on March 23, 2014