Need A Laugh Today?‏

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Read it once a year & feel smart

(I have not verified the accuracy of these quotes.  – Ed)
After reading these quotes, I feel like a genius.


Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: ‘I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,’
Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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‘Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.’
–Mariah Carey

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‘Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,’
Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
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‘I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,’
Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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‘Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,’
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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‘That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,’
–A congressional candidate in Texas
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‘Half this game is ninety percent mental.’
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
  
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‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’
–Al Gore, Vice President

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‘I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.’
Dan Quayle
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‘We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?’
–Lee Iacocca

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‘The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.’
  

–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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‘We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.’
Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
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‘Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.’
–Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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‘Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.’
–Keppel Enderbery

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‘If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.’
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?
   
Send it on to your brilliant friends.

I just did !!

Read this and never feel stupid again

For Movie Buffs

For all movie buffs this is terrific !!!

You may have to be over 50 to really enjoy this great video from the golden days of the movies. But……since I am a movie buff, I found it to be most entertaining!

100 Movie Quotes (American Film Institute Top 100 Movies).

http://www.flixxy.com/100-movie-quotes-american-film-institute.htm?utm_source=nl#.UcDBr_jR

Italian Cruise Liners

The current plight of the Costa Concordia reminds me of a comment once made by Churchill:

After his retirement he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise liner and some Italian journalists asked why an ex British Prime Minister should chose an Italian ship.

There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship said Churchill.

First their cuisine is unsurpassed.

Second their service is superb.

And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women and children first.

Religion

“Religion is an organization bent on the dissemination of faith, over and above the meaning or truth of the object of that faith.”
“Beware of those who try to sell you simple answers to complex questions.”    — Scott Adams.
“The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.”    — Richard Burton.
“Tolerance is to let others live like they want. To appease religious fundamentalists is not tolerance, but submission.”
“We preach peace, forgiveness, tolerance and love. We practice vengeance, persecution, hatred and domination. My personal beliefs are supported and validated by my convictions. Oh, and never forget …. my religion is truth, yours is a lie.”    — Religion, paraphrased (unknown).
“If you’re following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God’s will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible.”    — From Scott Adams’ Holiday Thoughts, 2003.
“If religious people could be reasoned with there would be no religious people.”
“It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.”    — Bill Waterson, Calvin & Hobbes.
“A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on the Titanic. They rush to the lifeboat and as they get in, the rabbi says: ‘What about the children?’ The lawyer says: ‘Screw the children!’ The preist says: ‘Do you think we have time?'”
“A cult is a religion with no political power.”    — Tom Wolfe.
“A religion is a cult that succeeded.”
“The difference between a cult and a religion is that the latter is old. Like, stepping into a pile of dogshit makes you curse, but stepping into a pile of dinosaur shit makes you famous. Despite both being crap.”    — Opportunist.
“Cult: a small unpopular religion.
Religion: a large popular cult.”
“A mythology is someone else’s religion, different enough from your own for its absurdity to be obvious.”
“As a true believer, I would gladly give your life for my religion.”
“Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.”    — Napoleon.
“Religion: Treat it like your penis. Dont show it off in public and don’t shove it down your children’s throat.”