Get Out Of The Car!

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Drinking and Driving – I’m changing my ways…..‏

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social occasion over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was at a Legion meeting and during and after I had a few drinks.  Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.

Gotta Love This Cop

A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.

The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer

demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.  The

motorist  instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s

ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an “AH” in

the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.

He then hands it to the ‘violator’ for his signature.  The guy

signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy

points to the “AH” and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember

that you’re an asshole!”

Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has such a bad

driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer

to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man

run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks;

“Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?”

Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant’s copy, his signature

and mine, same number at the top.

Lawyer: “Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this

ticket you don’t normally make?”

“Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an “AH,” underlined.”

“What does the “AH” stand for, officer?”

“Aggressive and hostile, Sir..”

“Aggressive and hostile?”

“Yes, Sir?

“Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for asshole?”

“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!”

Southern Humour

Alabama      A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

“Where’s Henry?” the others asked. “Henry had a stroke o’ some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,” the successful hunter replied . “You left Henry layin’ out there and carried the deer back?” they inquired. “A tough call,” nodded the hunter. “But I figured no one’s gonna steal Henry!”


Georgia
  The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?” The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”


Louisiana
  A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying … “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .” When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ’cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”

Mississippi   The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!” Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?” The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”

North Carolina  A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.” The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?” The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.

Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?” The driver replied, “Bout whut?”

Texas The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.” “Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ’cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’ ”

***

Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North.

A Police STOP at 1AM

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body.”
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “That would be my wife.”

Police Harassment?

For what reason is the Police Officer pulling these people over?

Scroll down for the answer

How long did it take you to realize she is not wearing a helmet !
May you always have,
Love to Share,
Health to Spare and
Friends that Care