All posts tagged Police
George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available”
George said, “Okay.” He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now,” and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
Don’t mess with old people.
(Ed – True story? – you be the judge – http://www.snopes.com/crime/safety/response.asp)
Posted by John Mills on November 9, 2014
1. Guys texting and driving with their pets.
2. Strange dogs hanging out of windows.
10. Backseat drivers you back away from.
19. Bizarre balancing acts
20. Cell phones worth more than your house.
22. Bathrooms that look like this.
26. Free food for the poor.
VERY DIFFERENT !
Posted by John Mills on August 6, 2014
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP??? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, ‘Please come out and give yourself up.’
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!!! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: ‘Give me all your money or I’ll shoot’, the man shouted, ‘that’s not what I said!’.
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: ‘My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart’. ‘Is this her first child?’ the doctor asked. ‘No!’ the man shouted, ‘This is her husband!’
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!! In Modesto, CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER…THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
Posted by John Mills on June 25, 2014
Posted by John Mills on June 4, 2014
Posted by John Mills on March 5, 2014
Posted by John Mills on October 23, 2013
While she was “flying” down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge, only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked,”What’s your hurry?”To which she replied, “I’m late for work.”
Oh yeah,” said the cop, “what do you do?”
I’m a rectum stretcher,” she responded.
The cop stammered, “A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”
“Well,” she said, “I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet wide.”
“And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole? “he asked.
“You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge…”
Traffic Ticket – $95.00
Posted by John Mills on July 17, 2013
Story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer:
I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS.
The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.
In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.
She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.
Something—body language, or the way she said it—made me want to ask if she had any other firearms.
She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console.
Now I had to ask one more time if that was all.
She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse.
I then asked her what was she so afraid of.
She looked me right in the eye and said, “Not a friggin’ thing!”
Posted by John Mills on June 28, 2013
Back at RCMP Headquarters in Kelowna the RCMP Superintendant fired off a complaint to the Base Commander of the CF-18’s in Cold Lake Alberta for shutting (actually frying it) down the Highway Patrol’s Radar.
The reply came back in true Royal Canadian Air Force style:
“Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment’s location.”
“Fortunately, the Air Force pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, and quickly responded to the
Posted by John Mills on December 17, 2012