SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR

SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR01 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR03 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR02 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR12 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR11 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR10 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR09 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR08 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR07 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR06 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR05 SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR04SMILES TO START YOUR NEW YEAR13

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If You Can Read This

IfYouCanReadThis

New English Language Word for 2014‏

 Every once in a while somebody gets it right.

This is not yet found in the Oxford dictionary, so it was “Googled” and discovered to be a recently “coined” new word found on
T-shirts on eBay:

Read this one over slowly and absorb the facts that are within this definition !!!!!!!

I love this word and believe that it will become a recognized English word.

Finally,  a word to describe our Future !!!!!!!
New English Language Word for 2014‏

Official Language for Europe

Absolutely Brilliant


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become  known as “Euro-English”.


In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.  Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”.  This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate  speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the  silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go  away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz  yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou”  and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil  find it ezi TU understand ech oza.  Ze drem of a united urop vil finali  kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza  pepl.

Why we say it!…..Interesting

I certainly found the following interesting.  We have many “sayings” but did you ever wonder where they came from.  After reading this, I am sure that some of them will even make sense.
 .
Where did “Piss Poor” come from? Interesting history.
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They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot.
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And then once it was full it was taken and sold to the tannery.
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If you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor”.
But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot.
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They “didn’t have a pot to piss in” and were the lowest of the low.
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The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
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Here are some facts about the 1500’s
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Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May,
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And they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
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Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
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Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.
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The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, Then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children.  Last of all the babies.
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By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.  Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!”
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Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.
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It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.
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When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.  Hence the saying, “It’s raining cats and dogs.”  There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
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This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings.  Could mess up your nice clean bed.
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Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
That’s how canopy beds came into existence.
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The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
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Hence the saying, “Dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery.  In the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing.
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As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door,  it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.  Hence: a thresh hold.
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(Getting quite an education, aren’t you?)
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In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.
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Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.
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Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.  Hence the rhyme:
“Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”
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Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.  When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.
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It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.”  They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.
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Those with money had plates made of pewter.
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Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.
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This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
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Bread was divided according to status.
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Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
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Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.  The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.  Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.  They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.
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Hence the custom; “holding a wake.”
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England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people.  So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.
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When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive.  So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.
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Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, “saved by the  bell” or was “considered a dead ringer.”
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And that’s the truth.

Spanish Computer Teacher‏

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la Casa.’

‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male
and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’
should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give
four reasons for its recommendation.



The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;


and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.






(THIS GETS BETTER!)


The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;


and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.




The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know

…And
all the men that have a sense of humour
..