From the pens of children……. lots of new ones.
All posts tagged Class Room
Posted by John Mills on January 7, 2015
We who have taught, or love children who have been taught, know this is funny! From the diary of a Pre-School Teacher My five-year old students are learning to read. Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!" I took a deep breath, then asked.... "What did you call it?" It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!" And so it does... ( Sorry, actual picture of the elephant wouldn't copy 'n paste)
Posted by John Mills on September 22, 2014
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.
He got an A.
Posted by John Mills on May 23, 2014
Posted by John Mills on February 13, 2014
The kids filed back into class Monday morning.
They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next:
“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”
“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath…
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467” he said.
“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?” “Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.
“Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Chip & Dip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, ‘Hey, this tastes like dog shit!’
“Then I would say, ‘It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?’
“I used the government approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the taste out of your mouth.”
Posted by John Mills on September 22, 2013
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra .
PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory– I hope there’s no pop quiz.
The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.
The old man didn’t like his beard at first. Then it grew on him.
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro – what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
Posted by John Mills on September 3, 2013
Posted by John Mills on July 3, 2013
One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic: Cost – $29.99
Clinton : Cost – $29.99
Posted by John Mills on October 24, 2012
I would have given him 100%!
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last.
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page.
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner.
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
*The other half.
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
*No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
*You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
*Very big hands!
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall was already built by eight guys.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Posted by John Mills on October 18, 2012