Smile While You Still Have Teeth

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.  This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.  Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.”

No one moved.  The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?  Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory.  Now stand and confess your transgression.”  Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train, rose from the third pew.  Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,  “Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.  I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.  I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.” 

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.


Life is short,


Give me an Amen brothers and sisters!

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A Real Dilemma

WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!
What an interesting turn of events in Mt. Vernon , Texas …Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding — with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before the grand re-opening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!
After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer.” But late last week ‘Big Jugs’ Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church … “was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business — either through direct or indirect divine actions or means.”
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.
The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, “I don’t know how the hell I’m going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it’s all bullshit.”

A Blonde in Church

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend accept this. Now I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.

“Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said that you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted and the congregation roared.

Church ” No Thank You”…Bishop “I’ll take them!!”‏

Well, the Church removed my cookies from the bake sale….. again!

I don’t know what their problem is —

I just used a dog bone cookie cutter…

cut them in half and decorated them!!

I thought they looked rather cute!!

They have no sense of humor.

— Remember, If you haven’t got a smile on your face, And laughter in your heart, Then you are just a sour old fart!