All posts tagged Canada
Posted by John Mills on January 8, 2016
Posted by John Mills on December 22, 2014
Dave & Ladine are at the airport in Phoenix, awaiting their flight.
They are dressed in heavy boots, parka, scarf, mittens, all ready to head home to the Canadian winter.
An old American couple standing nearby in shorts are intrigued by their manner of dress.
The wife says to her husband, “Look at that couple. I wonder where they’re from?”
He replies, “How would I know?”
She counters, “You could go and ask them.”
He says, “I don’t really care. You want to know, you go ask them.”
She decides to do just that, walks over to the couple and asks, “Excuse me, I’ve noticed the way you’re dressed and I wonder where you’re from?”
Dave replies, “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.”
The woman returns to her husband who asks, “So, where are they from?”
She replies, “I don’t know. They don’t speak English.”
Posted by John Mills on December 20, 2014
If you look at the back right-hand side of a Canadian $10 bill, you will see an old veteran standing at attention near the Ottawa War Memorial. His name is Robert Metcalfe and he died last month at the age of 90.
That he managed to live to that age is rather remarkable, given what happened in the Second World War. Born in England , he was one of the 400,000 members of the British Expeditionary Force sent to the mainland where they found themselves facing the new German warfare technique – the Blitzkrieg.
He was treating a wounded comrade when he was hit in the legs by shrapnel.
En route to hospital, his ambulance came under fire from a German tank, which then miraculously ceased fire. Evacuated from Dunkirk on HMS Grenade, two of the sister ships with them were sunk.
Recovered, he was sent to allied campaigns in North Africa and Italy . En route, his ship was chased by the German battleship Bismarck .
In North Africa he served under General Montgomery against the Desert Fox, Rommel.
Sent into the Italian campaign, he met his future wife, a lieutenant and physio-therapist in a Canadian hospital. They were married in the morning by the mayor of the Italian town, and again in the afternoon by a British padre.
After the war, they settled in Chatham , Ontario , where he went into politics and became the warden (chairman) of the county, and on his retirement he and his wife moved to Ottawa . At the age of 80 he wrote a book about his experiences.
One day out of the blue he received a call from a government official asking him to go downtown for a photo op. He wasn’t told what the photo was for, or why they chose him. ‘He had no idea he would be on the bill,’ his daughter said.
And now you know the story of the old veteran on the $10 bill.
Posted by John Mills on November 11, 2014
A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident.
He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company’s hot-shot lawyer was questioning Angus.
“Didn’t you say to the police at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’ asked the lawyer.
Angus responded: ‘Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the…’
‘I didn’t ask for any details’, the lawyer interrupted. ‘Just answer the question.
Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!?’
Angus said, ‘Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…’
The lawyer interrupted again and said, ‘Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.’
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Angus’ answer and said to the lawyer: I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie.’
Angus thanked the Judge and proceeded.
‘Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Now what would you say?’
Posted by John Mills on September 26, 2014
A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in Canada .
Well, there’s a very simple answer,
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
We just didn’t know we were getting low.
The reason for this is purely geographical.
Our Oil is located in:
COASTAL NEW BRUNSWICK
Our DIPSTICKS are located in OTTAWA
Any Questions ???
NO ?… Didn’t think so.
Posted by John Mills on July 10, 2014
Posted by John Mills on July 2, 2014
This one needs to circulate
I think this is one email that needs to be forwarded until every Canadian with a computer receives it.
The year is 1907, one hundred and 3+ years ago.
‘In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith
becomes a Canadian and assimilates himself to us,
he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else,
for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed,
or birthplace, or origin.
But this is predicated upon the person’s becoming in every facet a Canadian, and nothing but a Canadian…
There can be no divided allegiance here.
Any man who says he is a Canadian, but something else also, isn’t a Canadian at all.
We have room for but one flag, the Canadian flag…
And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the Canadian people.’
Wilfrid Laurier 1907Every Canadian citizen needs to read this! KEEP THIS MOVING
Posted by John Mills on May 7, 2014
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona.
They turn a corner and see a sign that says,
“Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10 cents.”
They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,
“Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?”
There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.
In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis – shaken, not stirred – and says,
“That’ll be 10 cents each, please.”
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their good luck.
They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying,
“That’s 40 cents, please.”
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They’ve each had two martinis and haven’t even spent a dollar yet. Finally one of them says,
“How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?”
“I’m a retired tailor from Phoenix ,” the bartender says, “and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer – it’s all the same.”
“Wow! That’s some story!” one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can’t help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender,
“What’s with them?”
The bartender says,
“They’re retired people from Canada. They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.”
Posted by John Mills on April 14, 2014