All posts tagged Business
Posted by John Mills on February 2, 2016
”Don’t be too hasty!” he said.” Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
Posted by John Mills on November 21, 2014
I don’t know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was an actual memo sent out by IBM to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.
“If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, a replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
“Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
“Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.”
(and here’s what Snopes has to say – Ed)
Posted by John Mills on November 16, 2014
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP??? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, ‘Please come out and give yourself up.’
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!!! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: ‘Give me all your money or I’ll shoot’, the man shouted, ‘that’s not what I said!’.
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: ‘My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart’. ‘Is this her first child?’ the doctor asked. ‘No!’ the man shouted, ‘This is her husband!’
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!! In Modesto, CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER…THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
Posted by John Mills on June 25, 2014
(I bought a small item on eBay from a seller in South Korea. This was appended to the packing slip. I think it is just wonderful. – Ed)
Posted by John Mills on June 12, 2014
Wonderfully described definitions
A pinch of tobacco
Rolled in paper
With fire at one end
And a fool at the other!
It’s an agreement
A man loses his bachelors degree
And a woman gains her masters
An art of transmitting Information
From the notes of the lecturer
To the notes of students
Without passing through the minds
The confusion of one man
Multiplied by the
The art of dividing
A cake in such a way that
He got the biggest piece
The hydraulic force by which
Masculine will power is
Defeated by feminine water-power!
A place where everybody talks,
And everybody disagrees later on
A feeling when you feel
You are going to feel
You have never felt before
Which people praise,
But never read
That can set
A lot of things straight!
Where you can relax
After your strenuous
The only time
When some married men
Ever get to open
Who tells you
To go to hell
In such a way
That you actually look forward
To the trip
Who while falling
From EIFFEL TOWER
Says in midway
“SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”
Who lives poor
He can die RICH!
Who is early
When you are late
When you are early
Shakes your hand
And your Confidence
And kills you
By his bills!
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”
Posted by John Mills on June 2, 2014
Take a look at these great posters. Using just hand shapes, some paint and a phone, an American phone company advertised worldwide by painting hands in the colours of different countries. It’s just brilliant. ENJOY!!
Posted by John Mills on April 13, 2014
Posted by John Mills on March 14, 2014
Just think…companies get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to dream up this stuff!
YOU WILL NEVER LOOK AT THESE LOGO’S THE SAME WAY EVER AGAIN.
I had never noticed it before.===========================================================
The 2nd and 3rd “T’s” are two people sharing (or fighting over) a
tortilla and a bowl of salsa.=============================================================
The world’s most famous bike race. The “R” in “Tour” is a cyclist.
The yellow circle is the front wheel of a bicycle, the “O” is the back wheel.
Posted by John Mills on January 28, 2014