An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake…
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
‘Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy…. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times…
Posted by John Mills on September 17, 2014
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, “You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The cowboy replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I’m drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. “Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains, “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.” “Hasn’t affected my brothers though.”
Posted by John Mills on July 30, 2014
An octopus walks into a bar and says “I can play ANY musical instrument going.”
An Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Hendrix.
Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton John.
Then a Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes.
The Octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says “What’s wrong can ye no play it?”
The Octopus replies “Play it? – I’m gonna screw her brains out once I get her pajamas off!!!
Posted by John Mills on October 30, 2013
Posted by John Mills on December 8, 2012
I was in a pub last Saturday night, and drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them chirped saying, “It’s WALES, you friggin’ idiot!”
So, I immediately apologized and said, “I’m sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s pretty much the last thing I remember…
Posted by John Mills on October 18, 2012
There are female jokes and there are unisex jokes.
Here is a joke I consider a true female joke.
I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love iIt and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it!
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered.
He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.)
Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00.. On one condition…”
Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was.
The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address.
She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said….
Posted by John Mills on January 21, 2012