Ho Ho Ho MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

Ho Ho Ho MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL001

IF YOU SEE A FAT MAN …

  Who’s jolly and cute,

Ho Ho Ho MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL002

Wearing a beard and

a red flannel suit,

Ho Ho Ho MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL003

  And if he is chuckling

and laughing away,

Ho Ho Ho MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL004

  While flying around

in a miniature sleigh,

With eight tiny reindeer

to pull him along, 

Ho Ho Ho MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL005

Then let’s face it…

Ho Ho Ho MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL006

Your eggnog’s too strong!

Ho Ho Ho MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL007

Merry Christmas and

a Happy 2015

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

       HAPPY HALLOWEEN!007
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!008
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You keep knocking on your own front door.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!001

9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!002

8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!003

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, and you lose your balance and fall over.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!009

6. People say: ‘Great Boris Karloff Mask,’ and you’re not wearing a mask.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!004

5. When the door opens you yell, ‘Trick or…’ and you can’t remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!005

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn’t dislodge your hairpiece.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!010

2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!011

And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating…
*


*


*
1. You keep having to go home to pee.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!006

No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway

Animator vs. Animation IV

What one can do with time on your hands.‏

Be sure to have your sound on, too.  This is fun!

 This is pretty wild, check out the whole thing.Just click on the link below, click on play, then leave the mouse alone. Then sit back and enjoy a piece of creative brilliance. Somebody spent A LOT of time here and obviously had too much time on their hands!
http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs13/f/2007/077/2/e/Animator_vs__Animation_by_alanbecker.swf

Who created dogs??‏

If you don’t read till the end you have missed the best part.

The Story of Adam & Eve’s Pets
Who created dogs005

Adam and Eve said, ‘Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us
every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is
difficult for us to remember how much you love us.’

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.’Who created dogs001

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his
tail.

And Adam said, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and
I cannot think of a name for this new animal.’

And God said, ‘I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love
for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him
DOG.’

Who created dogs006

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

 

Who created dogs007

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.’

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.’

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

 

Who created dogs008

And Cat would not obey them.

And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

 

Who created dogs002

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

Who created dogs009

And God was pleased..

And Dog was happy

.Who created dogs003

And Cat . . .
Who created dogs004

didn’t give a shit one way or the other.

Literal Cooks

Literal Cooks1It’s fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me the extra bowls.


Literal Cooks2He wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn’t dress. What a surprise when he brought a friend home for supper.


Literal Cooks3A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can’t say it improved the rice any.


Literal Cooks4Today he asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..

Literal Cooks5I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it.. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.


Saturday
 
Literal Cooks6He did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don’t have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason he keeps counting to ten.


Literal Cooks7I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius..I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. 

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe. If I can talk him into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

Stud Muffin

 
WATCH THE GUY on the left , NOT THE GIRL!!!

Loved this! Hope you had a good laugh!

A Shitty Subject‏

(Reported false by Snopes I post this variation for its punch line. – Ed)

Manure… An interesting fact Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything for export had to be transported by ship. It was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.
A Shitty Subject‏001

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
A Shitty Subject‏002

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ‘ Stow high in transit ‘ on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this “volatile” cargo and start the production of methane.

A Shitty Subject‏003



Thus evolved the term ‘ S.H.I.T ‘ , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term

Academy of Stuff

Academy of Stuff_001

The Academy Of Stuff presents this study from  the Etymology Lab……

Lexiphiles    (i.e., “lovers of words”)  –   you know . . .  like,  

 you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish. . . or, …

To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , . . . U.C.L.A.

The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a . . . dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . and a dress.

A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.

When you’ve seen one shopping center . . . you’ve seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . . resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . . He’s all right now.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; . . . it is two tired.

When a clock is hungry . . .. it goes back four seconds

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be . .. . exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . she thought she’d dye.

Acupuncture: . .. . a jab well done.

                                                           Academy of Stuff_002

 

Health and Safety Course

Health and Safety Course
Gladys failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today.
One of the questions was:
“In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?”
“F***ing’ big ones” was apparently the wrong answer.
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 400 other followers