Loved this! Hope you had a good laugh!
All posts in category ANIMATION
Posted by John Mills on April 3, 2014
(Reported false by Snopes I post this variation for its punch line. – Ed)
Manure… An interesting fact Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything for export had to be transported by ship. It was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ‘ Stow high in transit ‘ on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this “volatile” cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ‘ S.H.I.T ‘ , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Neither did I.
I had always thought it was a golf term
Posted by John Mills on March 16, 2014
Lexiphiles (i.e., “lovers of words”) - you know . . . like,
you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish. . . or, …
To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , . . . U.C.L.A.
The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a . . . dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name . .. . and a dress.
A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.
When you’ve seen one shopping center . . . you’ve seen a mall.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . . resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? . . . He’s all right now.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; . . . it is two tired.
When a clock is hungry . . .. it goes back four seconds
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine . . . was fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be . .. . exposed in the end.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, . . . she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture: . .. . a jab well done.
Posted by John Mills on January 11, 2014
Gladys failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today.
One of the questions was:
“In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?”
“F***ing’ big ones” was apparently the wrong answer.
Posted by John Mills on January 10, 2014
A New Year’s wish for You and Yours…
May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your ophthalmologist, your psychiatrist, your cardiologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your gynecologist, your podiatrist, your plumber, and income your tax auditor.
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your love handles, your breasts, and your stocks never fall, and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count, your weight, and your property assessments never increase.
May you be sensitive to the needs of others and may you create within yourself a balance of your own needs. May you laugh at yourself and realize if you were supposed to touch your toes while exercising, the Lord would have placed them further up, and may you realize the reason so many people take up jogging is to hear heavy breathing again.
May what you see in the mirror delight you and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to accept and forgive your faults and be blind to your blemishes, and tell the whole world about your
May you live in a world at peace, with an awareness of the beauty of every sunset, every flower, every puppy’s lick, and every wonderful astonishing beat of your own heart.
If by laughter, I can cause you to wipe one tear from your cheek, that is my only reward. Above all, may you continue to smile, may your life be filled with laughter, and may you never forget the words found in the Book of Proverbs
“A gloomy spirit rots the bones; but a merry heart is like good medicine.”
Posted by John Mills on December 31, 2013
Posted by John Mills on September 4, 2013
All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
Trying to decide who was the one in charge.“I should be in charge,” said the brain, “Because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”
“I should be in charge,” said the blood, “Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away.”
“I should be in charge,” said the stomach,” Because I process food and give all of you energy.”
All the other body parts laughed at the rectumAnd insulted him,
So in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
The stomach was bloated,
The legs got wobbly,
The eyes got watery,
And the blood was toxic..
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story?
Even though the others do all the work…
The ass hole is usually in charge
If you don’t send this to at least 4 people….
who gives a poop !
Posted by John Mills on August 31, 2013
Been around before but still fun.
Don’t ask me! I don’t know how it’s done!!
Read out loud the text inside the triangle below.
More than likely you said, ‘A bird in the bush,’! and…
If this IS what YOU said, then you failed to see that the word THE is repeated twice!
Sorry, look again.
You may not see it at first, but the white spaces read the word optical,
the blue landscape reads the word illusion.
Can you see why this painting is called an optical illusion?
What do you see here?
This one is quite tricky!
The word TEACH reflects as LEARN.
What do you see?
You probably read the word ME in brown, but…
when you look through ME you will see YOU !
Do you need to look again?
Test Your Brain
This is really cool.
The second one is amazing so please read all the way through.
ALZHEIMER’S’ EYE TEST
Count every ‘ F ‘ in the following text
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS…
HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 — no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go back and try to find the 6 F’s before you scroll down.
The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process ‘OF’.
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 ‘F’s’ on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
Send this to your friends.
It will drive them crazy…
and keep them occupied for several minutes!
Look at the spinning woman and if she is turning right your right side of your brain is
working. If she is turning left your left side of your brain is working.
If she turns both ways for you then you have a 160 or better IQ.
More Brain Stuff … from Cambridge University
Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on!!
Posted by John Mills on November 16, 2012
I would have given him 100%!
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last.
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page.
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner.
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
*The other half.
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
*No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
*You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
*Very big hands!
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall was already built by eight guys.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Posted by John Mills on October 18, 2012