All posts for the month June, 2016
Posted by John Mills on June 26, 2016
Posted by John Mills on June 22, 2016
Posted by John Mills on June 21, 2016
My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 15 to go …
Ate salad for dinner … Mostly croutons & tomatoes … Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce … And cheese … FINE, it was a pizza … I ate a pizza …
How to prepare Tofu:
1. Throw it in the trash.
2. Grill some Meat.
I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web …
I don’t mean to brag but … I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes …
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it …
Kids today don’t know how easy they have it … When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel …
Senility has been a smooth transition for me …
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … I forgot where I was going with this …
A thief broke into my house last night … He started searching for money … so I woke up and searched with him …
My dentist told me I need a crown. I said, “You bet, pour mine over the rocks”!
I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day …
“Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.”
Posted by John Mills on June 20, 2016
A burger walks into a bar. The bartender says ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here’
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
Where do generals keep their armies? In their sleevies!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
To the guy who invented zero: Thanks for nothing!
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen the mall
Why can’t you play poker on the African Savanna? There’s too many cheetahs.
What’s more amazing than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
I was up all night wondering where the sun went, but then it dawned on me.
Why is it always hot in the corner of a room? Because a corner is 90 degrees.
Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s two-tired.
My dolphin puns are terrible on porpoise.
I’m thinking of reasons to go to Switzerland. The flag is a big plus.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Found out I was color blind the other day. That one came right out of the orange.
Posted by John Mills on June 19, 2016
Posted by John Mills on June 10, 2016
Posted by John Mills on June 8, 2016