BRITISH HUMOUR

Whether these were really written as complaints, or not, they are hilarious. Enjoy
 

 Complaints to Councils

Extracts from letters written by council tenants:
 
1. It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
 
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my 
knob off.
 
3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he 
put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
 
4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
 
5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I 
think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
 
6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
 
7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
 
8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and 
fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
 
9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
 
10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just  plain filthy.
 
11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole 
house and I just can’t take it anymore.
 
12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is 
cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water (brits refer to pee as 
water**), it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces..
 
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6 
am his cock wakes me up.
 
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is 
unsightly and dangerous.
 
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third,

so please send someone round to do something about it.

  18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do 
something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
 
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my 
wife..
 
20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still 
have no satisfaction.
 
21.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t 
get BBC 2.
 
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has 
fungus growing in it.

(** In some circumstances Brits refer to pee as water e.g. bodily plumbing referred to as waterworks.   On a descending scale of gentility urine might be referred to as water, pee or piss. http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/pee  -Ed.(ex-pat Brit))

Advertisements
Comments are closed.
%d bloggers like this: