1) In a Restroom
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
2) In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
3) In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
4) In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
5) In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
6) Outside a second hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
7) Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
8) Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
9) Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
10)Notice in a farmer’s field
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
11) Message on a leaflet
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
12) On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
Strange Newspaper Headlines
1) Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
2) Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
3) Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking things a bit far!
4) Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
5) Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
6) Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
7) War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
8) If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
9) Cold Wave Appears to be Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
10) Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be onto something!
11) Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
12) Man Recently Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
13) New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?!
14) Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
15) Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
16) Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
17) Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?