A Case of Mistaken Identity‏

A Case of Mistaken Identity

THE EXPLANATION

Irish Logic at its best!

The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law
Paddy in  a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

“What   happened Paddy ?” she asks anxiously.

“What happened!! I’ll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife
(your  daughter) telling her I was coming home today from my fishing
trip. I  get home… and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my  wife
Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is  unforgivable,
the end  of our marriage. I’m done. I’m leaving  forever!”

“Ah  now,  calm down, calm down Paddy!” says his mother-in-law. “There
is something  very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There  must be a simple explanation. I’ll go speak to her  immediately and find  out what happened.”

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
“Paddy.  I told  you there must be a simple explanation ….

She never  got  your E-mail!”

MOONING You!‏

The people who thought up, posed for, and

took these photos are Very Clever!

MOONING You!‏ 001 MOONING You!‏ 002 MOONING You!‏ 003 MOONING You!‏ 004 MOONING You!‏ 005 MOONING You!‏ 006 MOONING You!‏ 007 MOONING You!‏ 008 MOONING You!‏ 009 MOONING You!‏ 010 MOONING You!‏ 011 MOONING You!‏ 012 MOONING You!‏ 013 MOONING You!‏ 014 MOONING You!‏ 015 MOONING You!‏ 016 MOONING You!‏ 017 MOONING You!‏ 018 MOONING You!‏ 019 MOONING You!‏ 020 MOONING You!‏ 021 MOONING You!‏ 022

YOU’VE BEEN MOONED!
MOONING You!‏ 023

Not what you thought huh?

morning smiles‏

HOPE THESE MAKE EVERYONE SMILE
morning smiles‏001
PAY ATTENTION MEN
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morning smiles‏003 morning smiles‏004
YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY WON’T GET THIS ONE
morning smiles‏005 morning smiles‏006
WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT
morning smiles‏007 morning smiles‏008 morning smiles‏009 morning smiles‏010 morning smiles‏011
WOW ANOTHER COOL IDEA
morning smiles‏012 morning smiles‏013 morning smiles‏014
OH HOW FUNNY

morning smiles‏015 morning smiles‏016 morning smiles‏017 morning smiles‏018 morning smiles‏019 morning smiles‏020 morning smiles‏021 morning smiles‏022
THIS MAN JUST RESTORED FAITH IN HUMANITY
morning smiles‏023morning smiles‏024
SAD BUT TRUE, ADAM CAN YOU DO THIS TO MINE, PLEASE
morning smiles‏025 morning smiles‏026 morning smiles‏027 morning smiles‏028
YEP I USE THEM FOR CAT LITTER, IT’S CALLED REPURPOSING
morning smiles‏029
morning smiles‏030LOVE THIS ONE

morning smiles‏031 morning smiles‏032

Do these 3 essential security tasks for your family today

https://nakedsecurity.sophos.com/2013/10/01/do-these-3-essential-security-tasks-for-your-family-today/

MALE LOGIC… FLAWLESS

Critical Thinking
At Its Best!
 
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which
puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a
 Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where’s your Ferrari?

Top 8 Morons Of 2013

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP???  AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.  He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:  Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.  After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, ‘Please come out and give yourself up.’

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???    An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!!!   A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer.  Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT???    Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When  detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: ‘Give me all your money or I’ll shoot’, the man shouted, ‘that’s not what I said!’.

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???    A man spoke frantically into the phone: ‘My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only  two minutes apart’. ‘Is this her first child?’ the doctor asked.  ‘No!’ the  man shouted, ‘This is her husband!’

7.   NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!!   In Modesto, CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.  King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun.  Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.   (hellooooooo)!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!   Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem.  No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat, going.  It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied.  After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong.  A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.    The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch.  So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.  He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER…THIS IS   TRUE.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

Gas Tank

 It’s only a gas tank but I wonder how many times the cops stopped him.

 

 

GasTank

Who created dogs??‏

If you don’t read till the end you have missed the best part.

The Story of Adam & Eve’s Pets
Who created dogs005

Adam and Eve said, ‘Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us
every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is
difficult for us to remember how much you love us.’

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.’Who created dogs001

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his
tail.

And Adam said, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and
I cannot think of a name for this new animal.’

And God said, ‘I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love
for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him
DOG.’

Who created dogs006

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

 

Who created dogs007

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.’

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.’

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

 

Who created dogs008

And Cat would not obey them.

And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

 

Who created dogs002

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

Who created dogs009

And God was pleased..

And Dog was happy

.Who created dogs003

And Cat . . .
Who created dogs004

didn’t give a shit one way or the other.

ALABAMA DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS

The judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” 
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.
“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?” 
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.
“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”
The judge said, “Do you have a real grudge?” 
“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?” 
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets.  We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”
“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?” 
“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?” 
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied.  “I’ve never wanted a divorce.  My husband does.  He said he can’t communicate with me.”