All posts for the month March, 2014
(True or not, still an amusing read. – Ed)
While Mohandas Gandhi was studying law at the University College London, he had a professor, named Peters, who had an unexplained animosity for Gandhi, and because Gandhi never backed down, their “arguments” were very common.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room at the University and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor.
The professor, in his arrogance, said, “Mr Gandhi: you do not understand… a pig and a bird do not sit together to eat,” to which Gandhi replied , “Don’t worry professor, I’ll fly away,” and he went and sat at another table.
Prof. Peters, now red with rage, planned his revenge on the next test.
When the test was taken Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions.
Finally, Prof.Peters asked him, “Mr Gandhi, if you are walking down the street and find a package, and within it there is a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money; which one would you take?”
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, “The one with the money, of course.” Mr. Peters, smiling, said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don’t you think?”
” Well each one must take what one doesn’t have,” responded Gandhi indifferently.
Prof. Peters, by now almost hysterical, scribbled the word “idiot” on the sheet and shoved it at Gandhi. Gandhi takes the exam sheet and sits down. A few minutes later, Gandhi goes up to the professor and says, ” Prof. Peters, you’ve signed the sheet, but you haven’t given me my grade!”
Posted by John Mills on March 30, 2014
Posted by John Mills on March 29, 2014
Posted by John Mills on March 25, 2014
Yes, our grandmothers still had genuine knowledge of staying naturally healthy!!!
My granny lectured me about her practical knowledge:
“For better digestion, I drink beer, for loss of appetite I drink white wine, with low blood pressure, red wine, with high blood pressure, cognac and whenever I have a cold, I drink Vodka.”
“And when do you drink water?”
Posted by John Mills on March 24, 2014
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very
interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down
his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually
the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside
of one of their biggest buildings.
Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job.
So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks,
and buying the paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with
Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly
completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder,
the sky opened and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint
from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to
land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles
of the thinned and useless paint.
Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got down on his knees and cried:
“Oh God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?”
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.
“Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!”
Posted by John Mills on March 23, 2014
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me!” she told him.
‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, “How does that feel?”
“Feels great” he replied, “but I still think my thumb’s broken.”
Posted by John Mills on March 22, 2014
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob,
because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of
them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning
with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, “Man, what happened to you? He said, “Bob snored so loudly,
I just sat up and watched him all night.”
The next night it was a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same
thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, ‘Man,
that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.”
The third night was Fred’s turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a
man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and
bushy-tailed. “Good morning!” he said. They couldn’t believe it. They
said, “Man, what happened?”
He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed,
patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and
watched me all night.”
With age comes wisdom.
Posted by John Mills on March 21, 2014