A Beauty Pageant Contestant’s Year In Review

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels… Helllloooo!!! Bottles won’t fit in printer!!!
March – Got really excited! Finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months … box said “2-4 years!”
April – Trapped on escalator for hours … power went out!!
May – Tried to make Kool-Aid … wrong instructions on packet … 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!
June – Tried to go water skiing … Bummer … couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition … learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!
August – Got locked out of my car in rain storm … car swamped because soft-top was open.
September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it??
October – Hate M &M’s …. they are so hard to peel.
November – Burned turkey. Baked it for 4 1/2 days. Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!
December – Couldn’t call 911 …”duh” … like there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
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