STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM‏


I would have given him 100%!

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last.
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page.
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid.
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* Marriage.
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* Exams.
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner.
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
*The other half.
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* Wet.
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
*No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
*You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
*Very big hands!
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall was already built by eight guys.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

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MAYO CLINIC ON ASPIRIN ~ PASS IT ON‏

Dr. Virend Somers, is a Cardiologist from the Mayo Clinic, who is lead author of the report in the July 29, 2008 issue of the Journal of the American College of Cardiology.

Most heart attacks occur in the day, generally between 6 A.M. and noon. Having one during the night, when the heart should be most at rest, means that something unusual happened. Somers and his colleagues have been working for adecade to show that sleep apnea is to blame.

1. If you take an aspirin or a baby aspirin once a day, take it at night.
The reason: Aspirin has a 24-hour “half-life”; therefore, if most heart attacks happen in the wee hours of the morning, the Aspirin would be strongest in your system.

2. FYI, Aspirin lasts a really long time in your medicine chest for years, (when it gets old, it smells like vinegar).

Please read on.

Something that we can do to help ourselves – nice to know.  Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve instantly on the tongue.  They work much faster than the tablets.

Why keep Aspirin by your bedside? It’s about Heart Attacks –

There are other symptoms of a heart attack, besides the pain on the left arm. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating; however, these symptoms may also occur less frequently.

Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack.

The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep did not wake up.  However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep.

If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water.

Afterwards:
– Call 911.
– Phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by.
– Say “heart attack!”
– Say that you have taken 2 Aspirins.
– Take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and

…DO NOT LIE DOWN!

A Cardiologist has stated that if each person after receiving this e-mail, sends it to 10 people, probably one life could be saved!

I have already shared this information. What about you?

Do forward this message. It may save lives!

MISINTERPRETATION…

I was in a pub last Saturday night, and drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar.  They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?”

One of them chirped saying, “It’s WALES, you friggin’ idiot!”

So, I immediately apologized and said, “I’m sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?”

That’s pretty much the last thing I remember…

Two Bears

Two bears were sitting at the side of the river near Ottawa .

The smaller bear turned to the bigger one and said, ‘I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as cubs. I just don’t get it.’

‘Well,’ said the big Bear, ‘what have you been eating?’

‘Politicians, same as you,’ replied the small Bear.

‘Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?’

‘Down near the parking lot by the Parliament Buildings.’

‘Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?’

‘Well, I hide under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat ’em!’

‘Ah!’ says the big Bear, ‘I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.’

Carnation Milk

True story!
65 Years Ago .

This is PRICELESS ………….

A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan.

The producers wanted a rhyme beginning With ‘Carnation Milk is best of all. ‘

She thought to herself, I know everything there is to know about milk and dairy farms. I can do this! She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black car pul led up in front of her house.

A large man got out, knocked on her door and said, “Ma’am,…..The president of Carnation milk absolutely LOVED your entry…..So much, in fact, that we are here to award you $1,000 even though we will not be able to use it for our advertisements!”

He did, however, have one printed up to hang on his office wall.

Here it is:

FOR THE MEN!!!!

I have a little Garmin
It sits there in my car
A Garmin is a driver’s friend
It tells you where you are

I have a little Garmin
I’ve had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones
My Garmin is my wife

It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
“It’s thirty miles an hour”, it says
“You’re doing thirty five”

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it’s never ever
Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I’m sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey’s pretty fraught
So why don’t I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I’m properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And – keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the damned thing off!

WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM FOR MEN

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do that, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.

“Guaranteed. Yeah right!” he thought to himself. But desperate, he called

them up and subscribed to the 3-day / 10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there was a knock on his door, and when he answered,

there stood before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young lady

dressed in nothing but air, some Nike running shoes, and a sign around her

neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign read, “If you can catch me, you can have me!”

 

Without a second thought he took off after her. A few miles later,

huffing and puffing, he finally caught her and had his way with her.

After they were through and she left, he thought to himself, “I like the

way this company does business!” The same girl showed up for the next two

days and the same thing happened. On the fourth day, he weighed himself

and was delighted to find he had lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He called the company and ordered their 5-day / 20 pound program. The

next day there was a knock on the door and there stood the most stunning,

beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but

Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that read, “If you catch

me, you can have me.”

 

He was out the door after her like a shot. This girl was in excellent shape

and it took him a while to catch her, but when he did, it is worth every

cramp and wheeze.

 

For the next four days, the same routine happened. Much to his delight, on

the fifth day, he weighed himself and found he had lost another 20 lbs, as

promised.

 

He decided to go for broke and called the company to order the 7-day/ 50 pound

program. “Are you sure?” asked the representative on the phone.

“This is our most rigorous program.”

 

“Absolutely,” he replied, “I haven’t felt this good in years”

The next day there was a knock at the door and when he opened it he

found a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes

and a sign around his neck that read, “If I catch you, you’re mine.”

ParaHawking

This is spectacular.

Click on the link.

This is cool…
ParaHawking

Delta 15

 

(Ed. – I checked this on Snopes.com.  Seems this version is pretty much as originally written.)

 

It was good to read this information again.  I had forgotten a lot of the details around this chapter of the 9/11 story.

Delta Flight 15 story – Did you know this?

Heart warming!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Here is an amazing story from a flight attendant on Delta Flight 15, written following 9-11:

“On the morning of Tuesday, September 11, we were about 5 hours out of Frankfurt, flying over the North Atlantic. All of a sudden the curtains parted and I was told to go to the cockpit, immediately, to see the captain. As soon as I got there I noticed that the crew had that “All Business” look on their faces. The captain handed me a printed message. It was from Delta’s main office in Atlanta and simply read, “All
airways over the Continental United States are closed to commercial air traffic. Land ASAP at the nearest airport. Advise your destination.”

“No one said a word about what this could mean. We knew it was a serious situation and we needed to find terra firma quickly. The captain determined that the nearest airport was 400 miles behind us in Gander, New Foundland. He requested approval for a route change from the Canadian traffic controller and approval was granted immediately–no questions asked. We found out later, of course, why there was no hesitation in approving our request.

“While the flight crew prepared the airplane for landing, another message arrived from Atlanta telling us about some terrorist activity in the New York area. A few minutes later word came in about the
hijackings.

“We decided to LIE to the passengers while we were still in the air. We told them the plane had a simple instrument problem and that we needed to land at the nearest airport in Gander, New Foundland to have it checked out.

“We promised to give more information after landing in Gander. There was much grumbling among the passengers, but that’s nothing new! Forty minutes later, we landed in Gander. Local time at Gander was 12:30 PM! …. that’s 11:00 AM EST.

“There were already about 20 other airplanes on the ground from all over the world that had taken this detour on their way to the U.S.  After we parked on the ramp, the captain made the following
announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, you must be wondering if all these airplanes around us have the same instrument problem as we have. The reality is that we are here for another reason.” Then he went on to explain the little bit we knew about the situation in the U.S. There were loud gasps and stares of disbelief. The captain informed passengers that Ground control in Gander told us to stay put.

“The Canadian Government was in charge of our situation and no one was allowed to get off the aircraft. No one on the ground was allowed to come near any of the air crafts. Only airport police would come around periodically, look us over and go on to the next airplane. In the next hour or so more planes landed and Gander ended up with 53 airplanes from all over the world, 27 of which were U.S. commercial jets.

“Meanwhile, bits of news started to come in over the aircraft radio and for the first time we learned that airplanes were flown into the World Trade Center in New York and into the Pentagon in DC. People were trying to use their cell phones, but were unable to connect due to a different cell system in Canada. Some did get through, but were only able to get to the Canadian operator who would tell them that the lines to the U.S. were either blocked or jammed.

“Sometime in the evening the news filtered to us that the World Trade Center buildings had collapsed and that a fourth hijacking had resulted in a crash. By now the passengers were emotionally and physically
exhausted, not to mention frightened, but everyone stayed amazingly calm. We had only to look out the window at the 52 other stranded aircraft to realize that we were not the only ones in this predicament.

“We had been told earlier that they would be allowing people off the planes one plane at a time. At 6 PM, Gander airport told us that our turn to deplane would be 11 am the next morning. Passengers were not
happy, but they simply resigned themselves to this news without much noise and started to prepare themselves to spend the night on the airplane.

“Gander had promised us medical attention, if needed, water, and lavatory servicing. And they were true to their word. Fortunately we had no medical situations to worry about. We did have a young lady who
was 33 weeks into her pregnancy. We took REALLY good care of her. The night passed without incident despite the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements.

“About 10:30 on the morning of the 12th a convoy of school buses showed up. We got off the plane and were taken to the terminal where we went through Immigration and Customs and then had to register with the Red Cross.

“After that we (the crew) were separated from the passengers and were taken in vans to a small hotel. We had no idea where our passengers were going. We learned from the Red Cross that the town of Gander has a population of 10,400 people and they had about 10,500 passengers to take care of from all the airplanes that were forced into Gander! We were told to just relax at the hotel and we would be contacted when the U.S. airports opened again, but not to expect that call for a while.

“We found out the total scope of the terror back home only after getting to our hotel and turning on the TV, 24 hours after it all started.

“Meanwhile, we had lots of time on our hands and found that the people of Gander were extremely friendly. They started calling us the “plane people.” We enjoyed their hospitality, explored the town of Gander and ended up having a pretty good time.

“Two days later, we got that call and were taken back to the Gander airport. Back on the plane, we were reunited with the passengers and found out what they had been doing for the past two days. What we found out was incredible.

“Gander and all the surrounding communities (within about a 75 Kilometer radius) had closed all high schools, meeting halls, lodges, and any other large gathering places. They converted all these facilities to
mass lodging areas for all the stranded travelers. Some had cots set up, some had mats with sleeping bags and pillows set up.

“ALL the high school students were required to volunteer their time to take care of the “guests.” Our 218 passengers ended up in a town called Lewisporte, about 45 kilometers from Gander where they were put up in a high school.. If any women wanted to be in a women-only facility, that was arranged. Families were kept together. All the elderly passengers were taken to private homes.

“Remember that young pregnant lady? She was put up in a private home right across the street from a 24-hour Urgent Care facility. There was a dentist on call and both male and female nurses remained with the crowd for the duration.

“Phone calls and e-mails to the U.S. and around the world were available to everyone once a day. During the day, passengers were offered “Excursion” trips. Some people went on boat cruises of the lakes and
harbors. Some went for hikes in the local forests. Local bakeries stayed open to make fresh bread for the guests. Food was prepared by all the residents and brought to the schools. People were driven to
restaurants of their choice and offered wonderful meals. Everyone was given tokens for local laundry mats to wash their clothes, since luggage was still on the aircraft. In other words, every single need
was met for those stranded travelers.
“Passengers were crying while telling us these stories. Finally, when they were told that U.S. airports had reopened, they were delivered to the airport right on time and without a single passenger missing or
late. The local Red Cross had all the information about the whereabouts of each and every passenger and knew which plane they needed to be on and when all the planes were leaving. They coordinated everything beautifully. It was absolutely incredible.

“When passengers came on board, it was like they had been on a cruise. Everyone knew each other by name. They were swapping stories of their stay, impressing each other with who had the better time. Our flight back to Atlanta looked li ke a chartered party flight. The crew just stayed out of their way. It was mind-boggling. Passengers had totally bonded and were calling each other by their first names, exchanging
phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses.

“And then a very unusual thing happened. One of our passengers approached me and asked if he could make an announcement over the PA system. We never, ever allow that.  But this time was different. I said “of course” and handed him the mike. He picked up the PA and reminded everyone about what they had just gone through in the last few days. He reminded them of the hospitality they had received at the hands of total strangers. He continued by saying that he would like to do something in return for the good folks of Lewisporte.

“He said he was going to set up a Trust Fund under the name of DELTA 15 (our flight number). The purpose of the trust fund is to provide college scholarships for the high school students of Lewisporte. He
asked for donations of any amount from his fellow travelers. When the paper with donations got back to us with the amounts, names, phone numbers and addresses, the total was for more than $14,000!

“The gentleman, a MD from Virginia, promised to match the donations and to start the administrative work on the scholarship. He also said that he would forward this proposal to Delta Corporate and ask them to donate as well.  As I write this account, the trust fund is at more than $1.5 million and has assisted 134 students in college education.

“I just wanted to share this story because we need good stories right now. It gives me a little bit of hope to know that some people in a far away place were kind to some strangers who literally dropped in on
them.. It reminds me how much good there is in the world.”

“In spite of all the rotten things we see going on in today’s world this story confirms that there are still a lot of good and Godly people in the world and when things get bad, they will come forward.
“God Bless America…and the Canadians.”

Animals in Action….‏

Time for a chuckle…

You may have to wait a minute or two for these pictures to load. The following are all “moving pictures” and they are each absolutely adorable.

Let me chew on your ear a minute…

I got your toes… No, I got YOURS!

This one just broke me up!

Round and round we go… this sure beats chasing your own tail

By spring, this cat’s gonna be a hop-scotch champ!

These two truly make an ODD COUPLE

Just a minute Mr. DeMille… let me get ready for my close-up!

You think outgrowing your clothes is a problem? Try outgrowing your pet door

Life is too short not to take time out to enjoy the fun.

The best part of life is when family members become your friends and friends become family.