The 5-Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower
just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in
a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there
stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says,
‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the
woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob
.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her
$800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the
towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her
husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door
neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he
say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

If you share
critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in
time,

you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember
Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, ‘Father,
remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry
sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun
sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the
priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, ‘Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:

If you are not well
informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration
clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when

they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of
you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the
admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care
in the world.’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales
rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,

an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to
the manager.

The manager says, ‘I want those
two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:
Always let your
boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree
resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and
asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure,
why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and
doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on
some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch
of the tree.

The next day, after eating some
more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the
turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get
you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow
came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in
the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him
out!

He lay there all warm and happy,
and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate
him.

Morals of the
story:

(1) Not everyone
who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone
who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re
in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE
MANAGEMENT COURSE

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