Veet Hair removal for men‏

OMG!!!! Too funny.

This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian, I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic, I thought I would do the deed on the Missus’s birthday as a bit of a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea, I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types…Oh, my fellow sufferers, how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed, and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise, I went down to the bathroom.

Initially all went well, and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.

I didn’t have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth, which in a matter of seconds, was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night, but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel, and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip,  I tried to wash the gel off in the sink, and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.

Through the haze of tears, I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible, and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid off, and positioned it under me.

The relief was fantastic, but only temporary, as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub, I had not managed to give the starfish any treatment, and I groped around in the draw for something else, as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.

I took a handful of them, and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it’s way up the chutney channel, and it felt like the space shuttle was running it’s engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen, which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to, in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen, the other half chose that moment to come and investigate, and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end, pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering…” Ooooh! that feels good “.

Understandably, this was a shock to her, and she let out a scream, and as I had not heard her come in, it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself, which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably was not the special surprise she was expecting, and having to explain to the kids the next day, what the strange hollow in the ice cream tub was,  did not improve my status…

So, to sum it up:

Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect!!!!

Go Fly A Kite

Please take the time to watch this, soooooo beautiful! The concentration this man has is unbelievable……what a beautiful work of art in the sky…..a ballet of kites.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did….Oh and watch the landing….you will be amazed.  

Romancing the wind

 

Notice that one kite is controlled by his right leg, the other two by his hands.

 

Ray Bethell, a resident of Vancouver, BC,
is one of the most famous kiteflyers in the world.    He controls three kites in a ballet set to “The Flower Duet”…..

Western Wall

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been
going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long,
long time. 


So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he
was walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to
leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion , she approached him for an
interview. 

“Pardon me Sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN, What’s your name?

“Maury Fishbein” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?” 

“For about 60 years.”  

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”  

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray
for all the Wars and hatred to stop, I pray for all our children to grow
up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”  


“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?” 

“Like I’m talking to a fuckin’ wall.”

A New Word

Exhaustipated

Here is a new word to add to your vocabulary.

It will be especially useful to us senior folks!

Exhaustipated: Just too tired to give a
shit.

World Geography…enjoy!‏

Pick out any interesting location around the world and click on it. A page will come up with a photo. In the center is a circle with a triangle.

Click on the triangle. Now you get a full picture. If it’s not a full screen, click on the 4 dots in the lower right corner.

Now with full screen, place your courser anywhere on the screen and slowly drag the picture in any direction you want. Left, right, up, down, slow or stop.

Try the Egyptian Pyramids in Egypt or Moscow, Kremlin to get started.

This is a one e-mail you will want to save. Enjoy.

Panoramas and 3D Tours of the Most Beautiful Places Around the World! Click on the below City Names & Enjoy !

Victoria Falls, ZambiaVenezuela, Surroundings of Angel Falls, VenezuelaAngel falls, VenezuelaKalyan Minaret, Bukhara, UzbekistanMiami, USALas Vegas, USALake Powell, USAManhattan, New York, USAGolden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, USAMillennium UN Plaza Hotel, New York, USAOahu, Hawaii, USALas Vegas, Nevada, USAMillennium UN Plaza Hotel, New York, USAGolden Gate Bridge, USAStatue of Liberty, New York, USAManhattan, New York, USAHollywood, California, USASan Juan and Colorado rivers, USAGoosenecks, Utah, USAMono Lake, California, USAMillennium UN Plaza Hotel, New York, USAChicago, Illinois, USALos Angeles, California, USAKiev, UkraineAy-Petri, UkraineDubai, UAEDubai, Islands, UAEPalm Jumeirah, Dubai, UAEBangkok, ThailandSankt-Moritz, SwitzerlandCape Good Hope, South AfricaCape-Town, South AfricaMoscow, MSU, RussiaMoscow, Kremlin, Bolotnaya Square , RussiaMoscow, RussiaMoscow Kremlin, Russia55.748765;37.540841, RussiaMoscow City, RussiaKremlin, Moscow, RussiaMoscow City, RussiaTrinity Lavra of Sait Sergius, RussiaSaint-Petersburg, RussiaNew Jerusalem Monastery, RussiaSaint Petersburg, RussiaNovodevichy Convent. Moscow, RussiaRamenki,Moscow, RussiaMKAD, Moscow, RussiaMoscow, RussiaMoscow, RussiaKrokus Expo Center, Moscow, RussiaMoscow Region, RussiaMoeraki Boulders, New ZealandFiordland, New ZealandNepal, NepalMaldives, MaldivesKuala-Lumpur, MalaysiaGrimsvotn, IcelandAmsterdam, HollandNeuschwanstein Castle, GermanyEgyptian Pyramids, EgyptHong Kong, ChinaThe Iguassu Falls, BrazilTwelve Apostles Marine National Park, AustraliaSydney, AustraliaBuenos Aires, Argentina

Laughter is the Best Medicine‏

Art Linkletter or Bill Cosby (for those of you who remember them) would have loved this one!
     Last night on a plane back home from Dallas to Tyler , I was sitting with a friend I’ve known for many years, talking about church and a whole lot of political things.  Being a US Congressman, Louie visits a lot of different churches in the area throughout the year and he told me of what happened in a local church on this past Easter that made me roll with laughter, to the point of tears.
     The pastor of this Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him.
     He said, “Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful.  Today we’re going to talk about the resurrection.  Does anyone know what the resurrection is?”  One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, “Please tell us what the resurrection is.”
     The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice, “When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!”
     It took a solid 10 minutes before the pastor could speak and there was so much laughter going on that his sermon was probably forgotten – but that boy’s voice won’t be.

Steve Jobs Cartoons

This is truly clever—-enjoy—Steve Jobs

18 years ago the USA had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash ….

Now they have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

Brits support Prince Harry – Attenshun!‏

Brits support Prince Harry – Attenshun!
Harry certainly created a stir ……..good for him !!

From the scorching front line in Afghanistan to rain swept barracks home in the UK,
thousands of British soldiers have stripped off in support of Prince Harry’s Vegas romp.
I guess this really is going Commando

Dare we say – Guns n Poses?

Three lads and their helmets….


Camouflaged privates???

Chewing Gum

From our Aussie friends—————–

 

CHEWING GUM!

An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter
and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, ‘You Australian folk eat the whole bread?’

The
Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, ‘of course.’

The American blew a huge bubble. ‘We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. ?The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to
Australia .’

The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence.

The American persisted, ‘D’ya eat jam with your bread?’ Sighing, the Australian replied, ‘of course.’

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, ‘we don’t. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia ..

The Australian then asked, ‘Do you have sex in the States?’

The American smiled and said ‘Why of course we do.’ The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, ‘And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?’

‘We throw them away, of course!’

Now it was the Australians turn to smile.

‘We don’t. In Australia , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States . Why do you think it’s called Wrigley’s?’?

Being Green…

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days.”
The young clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”

She was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truly recycled.

But we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But too bad we didn’t do the green thing back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she’s right; we didn’t have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart-ass young person.

We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.