Read The Label First!

Some actual product warning labels:

On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink –
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. (duh!)

On a New Zealand insect spray –
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

In a US guide to setting up a new computer –
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM
UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Make sense…except these instructions we’re IN THE BOX!)

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles –
OPEN OTHER END.

On a Sears hairdryer –
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
( Now THAT I’d like to see! )

On a bag of Fritos –
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap –
DIRECTIONS – USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
(And that would be how?)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on BOTTOM of the box)
* DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(oops…Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding –
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? Let’s experiment.)

On a Korean kitchen knife –
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights –
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to what…use in outer space?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts –
INSTRUCTIONS – OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I’m sure glad they cleared that up.)

On a Swedish chainsaw –
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

On a child’s superman costume –
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
That’s right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

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