Hawk & Paragliders…very cool video…enjoy!‏

Make sure you play this on ‘full screen.’
I think this is about as cool as it gets ! ! !

Torrey Pines is a state park and launch site for paragliders in San Diego, California . Occasionally these paragliders bring along some special flying friends. This is a cool video!

http://www.parahawkusa.com/Home.html
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SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE….It takes less than 15 second…‏

If you are over 45 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer’s Test

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?
1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. P_N_S

4. PU_S_

5. S_X

6. BOO_S

| | | | | | | | | |
Answers:1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong….didn’t you?

You do NOT have Alzheimer’s

You are a Pervert

A Truly Female Joke!

There are female jokes and there are unisex jokes.

Here is a joke I consider a true female joke.

I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love iIt and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it!

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered.

He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.)

Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00.. On one  condition…” 

Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was.

The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address.

She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said….

“Clean my house.”

Old Timers Sex: This is too funny to be dirty – enjoy!

The husband leans over and asks his wife, ‘Do you remember the first time we had sex together over  fifty years ago?

We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.’

‘Yes’, she says, ‘I remember it well’

‘OK,’ he says, ‘How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?’

‘Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!’

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble.  So he slowly follows them.

The elderly couple walks very haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in… Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen!
This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises     and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, ‘Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this‘?

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, Fifty years ago that wasn’t an Electric Fence‘!!!

Fifty Bucks!

Bill and his wife Blanche went to the state fair every year,

And every year Bill would say,

“Blanche, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.”

Blanche always replied,

“I know, Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks!”

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

“Blanche, I’m 75 years old.

If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.”

To this, Blanche replied,

“Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

“Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride.. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.”

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks,
but still not a word…

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

“By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.
I’m impressed! ”

Bill replied,
“Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Blanche fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks! “

FATHER OF THE YEAR

A man boarded a plane with six kids.
After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned  over to him and asked, “Are all of those kids yours? “
He replied,  ” No Ma’am,  I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.”  

DAMN, I WISH I COULD THINK THAT FAST

A Lawyer Story

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver’s door.

 

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing.  Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.”

“How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.

 

The cop replied, “Don’t you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!”

“OH, MY GOD!!!” screamed the lawyer.

 

“My Rolex!”

A Conversation In Heaven.

SYLVIA:
Hi! Wanda.

WANDA:
Hi! Sylvia. How’d you die?

SYLVIA:
I froze to death.

WANDA:
How horrible!

SYLVIA:
It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm &
sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?

WANDA:
I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating,
so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA:
So, what happened?

WANDA:
I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running
all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down
into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all
the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became
so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA:
Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer —we’d both still be alive.

Kids!!

Heart warming…sweet kid!!

Sometimes we forget the really important things in life.

Last week, I took my grand-children to a restaurant.
My six-year-old grand-son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, “God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Nana gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!”

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark,
“That’s what’s wrong with this country. Kids today don’t even know how to pray.
Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!”

Hearing this, my grand-son burst into tears and asked me, “Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?”

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my grand-son and said, “I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer.”

“Really?” my grand-son asked.
“Cross my heart,” the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), “Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little  ice cream is good for the soul sometimes.”

Naturally, I bought my grand-children ice cream at the end of the meal. My grand-son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, “Here, this is for you. Shove it up your ass you grouchy old bitch! ”

The End

Italian Cruise Liners

The current plight of the Costa Concordia reminds me of a comment once made by Churchill:

After his retirement he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise liner and some Italian journalists asked why an ex British Prime Minister should chose an Italian ship.

There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship said Churchill.

First their cuisine is unsurpassed.

Second their service is superb.

And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women and children first.