WISHING YOU – IN YOUR BUSY
LIFESTYLE SOME TIME FOR RELAXATION
& REFLECTION …
GOOD HEALTH WITH EXERCISE
SOMEONE TO DANCE WITH
A BIT OF ADVENTURE
BUT MOST OF ALL …
I WISH YOU .
LOTS OF BEAR HUGS ..
AND THE BLISS OF REAL LOVE
MANY BLESSINGS COME YOUR WAY TODAY:
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE LOVE TO SHARE
HEALTH TO SPARE
AND FRIENDS THAT CARE
BUT WATCH OUT FOR THOSE PENGUINS
DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE DOING THIS TO SOMEONE?
Posted by John Mills on December 31, 2011
Merry Christmas !
You’ve been Elfed!!!
Life is all about asses.
You’re either covering it,
Laughing it off,
Trying to get a piece of it,
Or behaving like one.
That’s right, you’ve been ‘elfed’..
Pass this on to as many people as possible,
but you can’t send it back to the person who sent it to you.
He who elfs last, elfs loudest!!!!
Posted by John Mills on December 22, 2011
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,
pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point
it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another
cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry
it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves
a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nutts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas !
Posted by John Mills on December 21, 2011
New from Dearborn, Michigan in time for Christmas.
The latest toy has hit the shops… a talking Muslim doll.Nobody knows what the f*ck it says, because no one has the guts to pull the cord.
Posted by John Mills on December 20, 2011
Posted by John Mills on December 19, 2011
[I usually unpack Powerpoint files but this one needs to be downloaded and watched as a SlideShow]
Posted by John Mills on December 18, 2011
1. I prefer breasts to legs
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!
4. If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst!
5. I’ve never seen a better spread!
6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It’s a little dry; do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
10. Don’t play with your meat.
11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at the same time!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you put it in?
16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18. That’s the biggest bird I’ve ever had!
19. I’m so full, I’ve been gobbling nuts all morning
20. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all that and still want more!
21. I do like a good stuffing.
Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Posted by John Mills on December 17, 2011
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:
When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Posted by John Mills on December 16, 2011
Posted by John Mills on December 15, 2011
Send this to 3 friends and you will make 3 friends smile.
No, you won’t GET SOMETHING.
Sorry, but that’s the truth.
Posted by John Mills on December 1, 2011