Marriage is like a deck of cards: In the beginning all you need is a heart and a diamond……… By the end, you wish you had a fucking club and a spade.”
“Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.”
“The longest sentence known to man: ‘I do’.”
“Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.”
“Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a bycicle repair kit.”
“4 steps to a happy marriage:
1. It is important to find a man that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a man that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a man that likes to have great sex.
4. It is very, very, very important that these three men never meet.”
“There’s only two things about me that my wife doesn’t care for:
1) everything I say, and
2) everything I do.”
Q: Why do men usually die before their wives ?
A: Because they want to.
“The most common form of marriage proposal: ‘YOU’RE WHAT !?‘”
First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel !”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
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