Microwaving Water

Microwaving  Water!

A 26-year old man decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before). I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but he wanted to bring the water to a boil.. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the! Water was not boiling, but suddenly the water in the cup ‘blew up’ into his face. The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand, but all the water had flown out into his face due to the buildup of energy.  His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face which may leave scarring.

He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye. While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is a fairly common occurrence and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water is heated in this manner, something should be placed in the cup to diffuse the energy such as a wooden stir stick, tea bag, etc…, (nothing metal).

General  Electric’s Response:

Thanks for contacting us, I will be happy to assist you. The e-mail that you received is correct. Microwaved water and other liquids do not always bubble when they reach the boiling point. They can actually get superheated and not bubble at all. The superheated liquid will bubble up out of the cup when it is moved or when something like a spoon or tea bag is put into it.

To prevent this from happening and causing injury, do not heat any liquid for more than two minutes per cup. After heating, let the cup stand in the microwave for thirty seconds! Before moving it or adding anything into it.

Here is what our local science teacher had to say on the matter: ‘Thanks for the microwave warning. I have seen this happen before. It is caused by a phenomenon known as super heating. It can occur anytime water is heated and will particularly occur if the vessel that the water is heated in is new, or when heating a small amount of water (less than half a cup).

What happens is that the water heats faster than the vapor bubbles can form. If the cup is very new then it is unlikely to have small surface scratches inside it that provide a place for the bubbles to form. As the bubbles cannot form and release some of the heat has built up, the liquid does not boil, and the liquid continues to heat up well past its boiling point.

What then usually happens is that the liquid is bumped or jarred, which is just enough of a shock to cause the bubbles to rapidly form and expel the hot liquid. The rapid formation of bubbles is also why a carbonated beverage spews when opened after having been shaken.’

If you pass this on
you could very well save someone from a lot of pain and  suffering.

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The Atheist & The Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods.
‘What majestic trees!’ ‘What powerful rivers!’
‘What beautiful animals!’ He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out:
‘Oh my God!’
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
‘You deny my existence for all these years, you teach others that I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.’ ‘Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?’
‘Am I to count you as a believer?’

The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: ‘You are right, It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?’
‘Very well’, said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed, and the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

‘Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen.’

The Yellow Toad

So, there’s this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn’t want to be yellow.

Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads… He’d sure be less visible to predators for one thing.

Anyway… This yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother.

“Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads,” he begs her. “I’m hacked off being so visible to predators. The stress is like, killing me, you know?”

“Okay” says the fairy godmother, who whips out her magic wand and goes…………….. “Abracapokus! You’re brown!”

The toad looks down and sees that he is brown ! Except….. For his weenie, which is still yellow.

“Hang about lady,” he says to the fairy godmother, “My pecker’s still yellow!”

“Yeah, well I don’t do weenies,” she says, “You’ll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that.”

So the toad thanks her and hops off on his way.

There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother (yes okay it’s a coincidence, but it’s true).

“Fairy Godmother! You’re just the person I need!” says the purple bear, “I can’t pull any bearesses cos they don’t want to be seen with me on account of the hunters.

They can spot me from a mile off.”

Being a fairly nice fairy godmother, she takes out her magic wand. “Oh for goodness sake, what is the matter with you lot round here.” she says. And with that, she yells………………… “Pokuscadabra! You’re brown!”

The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown. Except for his goolies, which remain purple.

“Hold up sweetheart!”, he says to the fairy godmother, “My goolies are still purple!”

“Yeah, well I don’t do those goolie things,” she replies, “You’ll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that.”

“Well that’s just dandy, innit?” the bear replies, “How the hell do I find the Wizard of Oz?”

“Easy,” says the fairy godmother as she flew off……………………

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You know what’s coming don’t you ?

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You’ll be sorry you ever gave me your email address

After this….

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She flew off, saying…….

“Just follow the yellow-dick toad !! ”

Italian Pregnancy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,

‘Who was a the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’  

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.

A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:

‘Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem’.   

I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,

a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account..

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. 

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’

At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells  him

“You gonna  try again!”

Excuse me Sir. Is this your cat?

Religion

“Religion is an organization bent on the dissemination of faith, over and above the meaning or truth of the object of that faith.”
“Beware of those who try to sell you simple answers to complex questions.”    — Scott Adams.
“The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.”    — Richard Burton.
“Tolerance is to let others live like they want. To appease religious fundamentalists is not tolerance, but submission.”
“We preach peace, forgiveness, tolerance and love. We practice vengeance, persecution, hatred and domination. My personal beliefs are supported and validated by my convictions. Oh, and never forget …. my religion is truth, yours is a lie.”    — Religion, paraphrased (unknown).
“If you’re following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God’s will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible.”    — From Scott Adams’ Holiday Thoughts, 2003.
“If religious people could be reasoned with there would be no religious people.”
“It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.”    — Bill Waterson, Calvin & Hobbes.
“A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on the Titanic. They rush to the lifeboat and as they get in, the rabbi says: ‘What about the children?’ The lawyer says: ‘Screw the children!’ The preist says: ‘Do you think we have time?'”
“A cult is a religion with no political power.”    — Tom Wolfe.
“A religion is a cult that succeeded.”
“The difference between a cult and a religion is that the latter is old. Like, stepping into a pile of dogshit makes you curse, but stepping into a pile of dinosaur shit makes you famous. Despite both being crap.”    — Opportunist.
“Cult: a small unpopular religion.
Religion: a large popular cult.”
“A mythology is someone else’s religion, different enough from your own for its absurdity to be obvious.”
“As a true believer, I would gladly give your life for my religion.”
“Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.”    — Napoleon.
“Religion: Treat it like your penis. Dont show it off in public and don’t shove it down your children’s throat.”

Money

“Are you any good at finding someone stupider than you and taking advantage of them ? Because that’s what trading is all about.”    — Unnamed Wall Street broker.

“Rags make paper, paper makes money,
Money makes banks, banks make loans,
Loans make beggars, beggars make rags.”

Steve Jobs Tribute Cartoons

Who could have thought of a better tribute?

LEXIPHILES: WHOEVER PUT THIS TOGETHER LOVES LANGUAGE:

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Skinny Dipping

An elderly  man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for  several years.

He had  a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped  for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic  tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and  peach trees.

One  evening the old farmer decided to go down to the  pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and  look it over.

He  grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some  fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard  voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he  came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young  women skinny-dipping in his  pond.

He  made the women aware of his presence and they  all went to the deep end.

One of  the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out  until you leave!’

The old man  frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you  ladies swim naked or make you get out of the  pond naked.’

Holding  the bucket up he said,
‘I’m here to feed the  alligator…’

Some  old men can still think  fast.