How to distinguish between Canadians, Americans, British and Australians

Aussies:
Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits:
Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your
club.
Americans:
Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians:
Believe that that’s the government’s job.

Aussies:
Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians:
Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans:
Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits:
Can’t possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Americans:
Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians:
Don’t, but only because they can’t get more American channels.
Brits:
Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.
Aussies:
Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to
Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans:
Love to watch sports on the idiot box.
Brits:
Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other fans.
Canadians:
Prefer to actually engage in sports rather than watch them.

Americans:
Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits:
Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians:
Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they
beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies:
Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every
sport they played them in.

Americans:
Spell words differently, but still call it “English.”
Brits:
Pronounce their words differently, but still call it “English.”
Canadians:
Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies:
Add “G’day”, “mate,” and a heavy accent to everything they say, and
can’t say “r”.

Brits:
Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies:
Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans:
Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a
backwards country.
Canadians:
Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a
backwards country.

Aussies:
Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans:
Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the
point of blindness.
Canadians:
Can’t agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered
to sing them.
Brits:
Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the
anthem.

Brits:
Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans:
Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present
citizens.
Canadians:
Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once
Canadian.
Aussies:
Wollow on about how some of their past citizens were once outlaw
Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.

Americans:
Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians:
Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits:
Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are
inherited things.
Aussies:
Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Canadians:
Encourage immigrants to keep their old ways and avoid assimilation.
Americans:
Encourage immigrants to assimilate quickly and dump their old ways.
Brits:
Encourages immigrants to go to Canada or America.

Canadians:
Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.
Brits:
Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.
Americans:
Don’t have to do either, and couldn’t care less.
Aussies:
Don’t understand what inclement weather means.

Aussies:
Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians:
Have produced many great comedians, like John Candy, Martin Short,
Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans:
Think that these people are American!
Brits:
Have produced many great comedians, but Americans ignore them because
they don’t understand subtle humor.

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