DISORDER IN THE COURT

From a little book called “Disorder in the Court.”
They’re things people actually said in court, word for word.

Q:  What is your date of birth?
A:  July fifteenth.
Q:  What year?
A:  Every year.

Q:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q:  This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A:  Yes.
Q:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A:  I forget.
Q:  You forget.  Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

Q:  How old is your son-the one living with you.
A:  Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q:  How long has he lived with you?
A:  Forty-five years.

Q:  What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A:  He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q:  And why did that upset you?
A:  My name is Susan.

Q:  And where was the location of the accident?
A:  Approximately milepost 499.
Q:  And where is milepost 499?
A:  Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q:  Sir, what is your IQ?
A:  Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q:  Did you blow your horn or anything?
A:  After the accident?
Q:  Before the accident.
A:  Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for  it.

Q:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A:  We both do.
Q:  Voodoo?
A:  We do.
Q:  You do?
A:  Yes, voodoo.

Q:   Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A:  Yes.
Q:  Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A:  Yes, sir.
Q:  What did she say?
A:  What disco am I at?

Q:  Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in  his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

Q:  The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q:  Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q:  Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q:  Did he kill you?

Q:  How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the  collision?

Q:  You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q:  How many times have you committed suicide?

Q:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A:  Yes.
Q:  And what were you doing at that time?

Q:  She had three children, right?
A:  Yes.
Q:  How many were boys?
A:  None.
Q:  Were there any girls?

Q:  You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A:  Yes.
Q:  And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q:  Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,  didn’t you?
A:  I went to Europe, Sir.
Q:  And you took your new wife?

Q:  How was your first marriage terminated?
A:  By death.
Q:  And by whose death was it terminated?

Q:  Can you describe the individual?
A:  He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q:  Was this a male, or a female?

Q:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q:  Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A:  All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q:  All your responses must be oral, OK?  What school did  you go to?
A:  Oral.

Q:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A:  The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q:  And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A:  No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was  doing an autopsy.

Q:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A:  No.
Q:  Did you check for blood pressure?
A:  No.
Q:  Did you check for breathing?
A:  No.
Q:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A:  No.
Q:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q:  But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A:  It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

Q:  You were not shot in the fracas?
A:  No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

Here are some classic Court transcripts,  all recorded by the keeper of the word in various parts of the world…

LAWYER:  Did you ever sleep with him in New York?
WITNESS:  I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER:  Did you ever sleep with him in Chicago?
WITNESS:  I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER:  Did you ever sleep with him in Miami?
WITNESS:  No.

LAWYER:   So, after the anaesthetic, when you came out of  it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?
WITNESS:  I didn’t see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
LAWYER:   It was covered?
WITNESS:  Yes.  Bandaged.
LAWYER:   Then, later on, what did you see?
WITNESS:  I had a skin graft.  My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.

To the tune of Grease…..

“Grease”
Bill: “Summer intern, had me a blast”
Monica: “White house intern, happened so fast”
Bill: “Met a girl, crazy for me”
Monica: “Met the prez, down on my knees”
Bill: “Summer days, sucking away, oh, i, but those summer nights”
Grand Jury: “Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah. uh. Tell us more,tell us more”

Linda Tripp: “Try to remember your best”
Grand Jury: “Tell us more, tell us more”
Kenneth Starr: “Did he come on your dress?”
Grand Jury: Uh-huh….Uh-huh…Uh-huh….
Grand Jury: Uh-huh….Uh-huh….Uh-huh….

Bill: “Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp”
Monica: “The prez is sexy – he makes my panties damp”
Bill: “She gave me head, right in the White House”
Monica: “I said OK, just don’t come in my mouth”
Bill: “Summer days, gobbling away, oh, i, but those summer nights”
Grand Jury:”Well, ah.. well, ah….well, ah. uh. Tell us more, tell us more”

Linda Tripp: “He sounds like a swell guy”
Grand Jury:”Tell us more, tell us more”
Kenneth Starr:”Did he tell you to lie?”

(Slower now)

Bill: “Press found out, it turned into a mess”
Monica: “He gave me fifty bucks to buy a new dress”
Bill: “She promised to lie, she made a vow”
Monica: “Wonder who is servicing him now”
Bill & Monica: “Sex filled dreams, ripped at the seams
But………oh Tho-hose…….. White House… Nights”

Oh, Monica!

What do Monica Lewinsky and Soda Pop machines have in common?
They both have slots which say “Insert ‘Bill” here.”
What help wanted ad did Monica Lewinsky answer?
Be a White House intern, and get a taste of the Presidency!
There’s a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon.
It will have a six inch hard drive, but no memory
What’s the difference between Clinton and a screw driver?
A screw driver turns in screws and Clinton screws interns.
What did they find in the pocket of Monica’s dress?
A wad of Bill’s
Bill’s nickname for Hillary is, “My little buttercup”
His nickname for Monica? “My little suctioncup”

Top 22 signs you’ve had too much of the 90’s:

22. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of
the back seat of your car.
21. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not
have e-mail addresses.
20. Keeping up with sports entails adding ESPN’s homepage to your
bookmarks.
19. You have a “to do list” that includes entries for lunch and bathroom
breaks and they are usually the ones that never get crossed off.
18. You have actually faxed your Christmas list to your parents.
17. Pick up lines now include a reference to liquid assets and capital
gains.
16. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.
15. You assume the question to valet park or not is rhetorical.
14. You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.
13. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
12. Your grocery list has been on your refrigerator so long some of the products don’t even exist any more.
11. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to
increase their profits.
10. You get all excited when it’s Saturday and you can wear sweats to
work.
9. You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.
8. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a
living.
7. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive
restaurant in town within the same week.
6. You think that “progressing an action plan” and “calendarizing a
project” are acceptable English phrases.
5. You know the people at the airport hotels better than you know your
next door neighbors.
4. You ask your friends to “think out of the box” when making Friday
night plans.
3. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his
ideas into a matrix.
2. You think a “half-day” means leaving at 5 o’clock.
The #1 sign you’ve had too much of the 90’s:
** You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person **

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BILL CLINTON’S FRIEND ??

The following is a list of dead people connected with Bill Clinton:

James McDougal – Clinton’s convicted Whitewater partner died of an
apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key witness
in Ken Starr’s investigation.

Mary Mahoney – A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she was
to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.

Vince Foster – Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hilary
Clinton at Little Rock’s Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
head, ruled a suicide.

Ron Brown – Secretary of Commerce and former DNC Chairman. Reported to
have died by impact in a plane crash. A pathologist close to the
investigation reported that there was a hole in the top of Brown’s skull
resembling a gunshot wound. At the time of his death Brown was being
investigated, and spoke publicly of his willingness to cut a deal with
prosecutors.

C. Victor Raiser II – & – Montgomery Raiser major players in the Clinton
fund raising organization died in a private plane crash in July 1992.

Paul Tulley – Democratic National Committee Political Director found dead
in a hotel room in Little Rock, September 1992. Described by Clinton as a
“Dear friend and trusted advisor”.

Ed Willey – Clinton fund raiser, found dead November 1993 deep in the
woods in Virginia of a gunshot wound to the head. Ruled a suicide. Ed
Willey died on the same day his wife Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton
groped her in the oval office in the White House. Ed Willey was involved
in several Clinton fund raising events.

Jerry Parks – Head of Clinton’s gubernatorial security team in Little
Rock. Gunned down in his car at a deserted intersection outside Little
Rock. Park’s son said his father was building a dossier on Clinton. He
allegedly threatened to reveal this information. After he died the files
were mysteriously removed from his house.

James Bunch – Died from a gunshot suicide. It was reported that he had a
“Black Book” of people containing names of influential people who visited
prostitutes in Texas and Arkansas.

James Wilson – Was found dead in May 1993 from an apparent hanging
suicide. He was reported to have ties to Whitewater.

Kathy Ferguson – Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny Ferguson died in May
1994 was found dead in her living room with a gunshot to her head. It was
ruled a suicide even though there were several packed suitcases, as if she
was going somewhere. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with Bill
Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson was a possible
corroborating witness for Paula Jones.

Bill Shelton – Arkansas state Trooper and fiancee of Kathy Ferguson.
Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancee, he was found dead in June,
1994 of a gunshot wound also ruled a suicide at the gravesite of his
fiancee.

Gandy Baugh – Attorney for Clinton friend Dan Lassater died by jumping out
a window of a tall building January, 1994. His client was a convicted drug
distributor.

Florence Martin – Accountant sub-contractor for the CIA related to the
Barry Seal Mena Airport drug smuggling case. Died of three gunshot wounds.

Suzanne Coleman – Reportedly had an affair with Clinton when he was
Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot wound to the back of the head,
ruled a suicide. Was pregnant at the time of her death.

Paula Grober – Clinton’s speech interpreter for the deaf from 1978 until
her death December 9, 1992. She died in a one car accident.

Danny Casolaro – Investigative reporter. Investigating Mena Airport and
Arkansas Development Finance Authority. He slit his wrists, apparent
suicide in the middle of his investigation.

Paul Wilcher – Attorney investigating corruption at Mena Airport with
Casolaro and the 1980 “October Surprise” was found dead on a toilet June
22, 1993 in his Washington DC apartment. Had delivered a report to Janet
Reno 3 weeks before his death.

Jon Parnell Walker – Whitewater investigator for Resolution Trust Corp.
Jumped to his death from his Arlington, Virginia apartment balcony August
15, 1993. Was investigating Morgan Guarantee scandal.

Barbara Wise – Commerce Department staffer. Worked closely with Ron Brown
and John Huang. Cause of death unknown. Died November 29, 1996. Her
bruised nude body was found locked in her office at the Department of
Commerce.

Charles Meissner – Assistant Secretary of Commerce who gave John Huang
special security clearance, died shortly thereafter in a small plane crash.

Dr. Stanley Heard – Chairman of the National Chiropractic Health Care
Advisory Committee died with his attorney Steve Dickson in a small plane
crash. Dr. Heard, in addition to serving on Clinton’s advisory council
personally treated Clinton’s mother, stepfather and brother.

Barry Seal – Drug running pilot out of Mena Arkansas, Death was no
accident.

Johnny Lawhorn Jr. – Mechanic, found a check made out to Clinton in the
trunk of a car left in his repair shop. Died when his car hit a utility
pole.

Stanley Huggins – Suicide. Investigated Madison Guarantee. His report was
never released.

Hershell Friday – Attorney and Clinton fund raiser died March 1, 1994 when
his plane exploded.

Kevin Ives & Don Henry – Known as “The boys on the track” case. Reports
say the boys may have stumbled upon the Mena Arkansas airport drug
operation. Controversial case where initial report of death was due to
falling asleep on railroad track. Later reports claim the 2 boys had been
slain before being placed on the tracks. Many linked to the case died
before their testimony could come before a Grand Jury.

THE FOLLOWING SIX PERSONS HAD INFORMATION ON THE IVES/HENRY CASE:

Keith Coney – Died when his motorcycle slammed into the back of a truck
July, 1988

Keith McMaskle – Died stabbed 113 times, Nov. 1988

Gregory Collins – Died from a gunshot wound January 1989.

Jeff Rhodes – He was shot, mutilated and found burned in a trash dump in
April 1989.

James Milan – Found decapitated. Coroner ruled death due to natural
causes.

Jordan Kettleson – Was found shot to death in the front seat of his
pickup truck in June 1990.

Richard Winters – Was a suspect in the Ives / Henry deaths. Was killed in
a set-up robbery July 1989

THE FOLLOWING CLINTON BODYGUARDS ARE DEAD:

Major William S. Barkley Jr.
Captain Scott J. Reynolds
Sgt. Brian Hanley
Sgt. Tim Sabel
Major General William Robertson
Col. William Densberger
Col. Robert Kelly
Spec. Gary Rhodes
Steve Willis
Robert Williams
Conway LeBleu
Todd McKeehan